Eilish revealed that she began to experience depression once she had to give up dancing due to a hip injury. "It sent me down a hole," she shared to Rolling Stone. "I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain."
The singer shared that during her time dancing, she also experienced body dysmorphia. "At dance, you wear really tiny clothes. And I’ve never felt comfortable in really tiny clothes," she explained. "I was chubby and short and always worried about my appearance. That was the peak of my body dysmorphia. I couldn’t look in the mirror at all."
Even though her mental health is in a better place right now, she admitted that she still gets anxiety when she leaves for tour, and sometimes she doesn't trust herself to be alone.
"I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again," she explained. "It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight. And, I mean, it’s true, there really is no end in sight with touring.” Eilish has concerts, festivals and tours planned through 2020, for which you can find tickets and information here.
"Thinking about that literally made me throw up. I’m not a throw-upper, but I threw up twice, from the anxiety," she added.
Another cause of anxiety for Eilish was the recent online leak of her home address. She described the incident as "really traumatizing."
"I completely don’t feel safe in my house anymore, which sucks," she said. "I love my house."
in 2018, Eilish saw a therapist a few times to improve her mental health and found it "alright," but forced herself to go back again. "I have a job that doesn't allow me to break down. I can’t go cry somewhere, I can’t go scream and be mad. I have to work. I just was in such a bad place. It was too much on me. I was too much on me."
Now that she's worked on her mental health, things have thankfully improved. "I haven’t been depressed in a minute, which is great," Eilish added, claiming that age 17 has been the best year of her life thus far.
To read her full interview, pick up the August issue of Rolling Stone. See her cover, below:
Celebrities Who Opened Up About Mental Health
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